Are you disillusioned with church?

If you have ever been hurt or “turned off” to church by…

• Hypocrisy
• Double standards
• Meticulous rules
• Majoring on spiritual trivia
• Judgmentalism & pride
• Irrelevance
• Superficiality
• Pat answers
• Gossip and other “acceptable sins” in the church
• Lots of spiritual busyness but little substance
• Focus on foreign missions but not helping needy people in their own community.

…then share your story here! This is a forum where it is safe to share your experiences and concerns, and find understanding and support. Here we can affirm you, as well as learn from your experiences. This also helps me to demonstrate (for those who care) some of the things people actually experience at the hands of churches and church leaders.

But let’s leave the people and churches unnamed (or use fictitious names if necessary, and no denominational names), and let’s leave our most colorful language at home, if you get my drift. Thanks for your help in this project!

To prime the pump, I’ll share a few stories that others have shared with me (all true, names changed of course):

“There’s so much pressure in our church to keep up the life they expect. It’s like a treadmill, and I’m getting tired of it… I feel like giving up.” — Shelly R.

“I went to that church until I was out of high school. I finally left because I was tired of all the gossip and backstabbing I saw there. Those people didn’t act like they cared about me—or like they cared about each other, for that matter.” —Tom D.

“I had some serious questions, and my church wasn’t able to give me intelligent answers. I don’t think they really took me seriously… I was disillusioned. I left and I’m never going back.” — Amy B.

“I can get along with God just fine. It’s all his little fan clubs I can’t stand.” — Anonymous

Share your comments here! (Just leave your name anonymous, or use a fictitious name here).

Are you disappointed with Christians?

This thought-provoking quote says it so well:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." — Mahatma Gandhi

If you have ever been hurt or “turned off” to Christianity by a Christian’s behavior or attitudes, such as:

• Hypocrisy
• Meticulous rules
• Judging & pride
• Holier-than-thou attitudes
• Irrelevance
• Superficiality
• Gossip and other vices while professing to be spiritual
• Cheating or dishonesty (in business or personally)
• Greed
• Unkindness

…then share your story here!

This is a forum where it is safe to share your experiences and concerns, and find understanding and support. Here we can affirm you, as well as learn from your experiences. This also helps me to demonstrate (for those who care) some of the things people actually experience at the hands of churches and church leaders.

Just, leave the people and churches unnamed (or use fictitious names if necessary), and let’s leave our most colorful language at home, if you get my drift. Thanks for your help in this project!

To prime the pump, I’ll share a few stories that others have shared with me:

“I was cheated in a business deal by someone who tells everyone he’s a Christian. He even tries to preach at me! He can keep his Christianity.”
— Donna C.

“I have known a lot of Christians that were good people to deal with, and some that were pretty bad. And the same goes for people that don't go to church. I really haven't seen any difference.” — David M.

“I feel like all they want to do is preach at me. It’s like I’m not a person. There’s no relationship there.” — John A.

Share your comments here!

For hurting pastors and spouses

Sometimes church ministry can be exciting and challenging, and there are many websites to spur you on in that regard. But ministry can also be really draining, and even devastating sometimes (I understand, because I spent twenty years pastoring local churches).

Ministry can take its toll in many ways:

• People’s unrealistic expectations.
• Board Members’ unrealistic expectations—and some with personal agendas.
• Organizational resistance to positive change.
• People’s hardness of heart.
• Manipulative people, church politics, and power plays.
• Board members or others who lie to you (especially in the hiring process).
• Staffing problems.
• Marital stress—often takes on additional pressures for pastors and wives.
• Family stress—often pulled away from your kids during prime family hours, like evenings and weekends. And seeing your kids hurt by church members just takes it over the top!
• Physical exhaustion—heavy schedule, “We’ll GIVE you one day off a week, pastor!” and the unending “to do” list, often too few people available for delegating.
• Financial strain, limited resources, meager retirement, some churches unwilling to take responsibility for all your ministry expenses.
• Too little time off.
• Counseling headaches and heartaches.
• Spiritual warfare.
• The care of the churches (2 Corinthians 11:28—and look at the context!)

Often the difficulties pastors experience place a deep strain on their own marriage and parenting relationships. And very few jobs have both the employee and spouse feeling so constantly pressured to measure up to so many unwritten expectations. You never know when you are disappointing someone’s perception of what a pastor should be doing (or of how it should be done). And some church boards even expect you to make everyone happy!

And you who are wives of pastors: words cannot express the stress and strain and pressure you feel. I am told that someone researched occupational stress and concluded that the two most stressful occupations in the country are (1) air traffic controllers and (2) pastor’s wives! Need I say more?

The pressures and pains of ministry can be crushing (hand me another tissue!) Yes, of course I believe there is solace to be found, or I wouldn’t be here. But the path to get there includes sharing your burdens with someone who will listen. You have found such a place here at Taking Another Look.

If you are a pastor or the spouse of a pastor, you can safely share your stories here. Of course, use fictitious names (if you need to use any), and don’t name the church or give away your location. Click on “comment” below and sign in to Google (they will respect your privacy) and type away. Or you can email me confidentially through my web site: www.waynehobbes.com/contact (I will reply personally and no one else will ever receive your email address from me).

Share you comments and stories here!

For all PK’s (Pastor’s Kids)

PK's. You have seen churches at their worst—and pastors (and spouses) at their worst. You can vent here.

You have seen your parents stressed after a board meeting or church business meeting, or preoccupied beforehand. You’ve known about those long talks your parents have late into the night sometimes, or the arguments. You’ve heard comments from church members about your dad or mom as well. Or just those aggravating comments like, “Well, Jen will know the answer to that question, because her dad is the pastor! So tell us the answer, Jen.”

Maybe you have seen your parents trying to bring about positive change in the church, and you have prayed for them and cheered them on. But some people in the church who disagree and oppose them just can’t help making snide remarks to you, like it’s your fault! And they’re supposed to be like Jesus!

Maybe you’ve been really active in serving in the church, and then gone through the shock and pain of rejection as some of the church people reject your parents’ leadership.

Pretty disillusioning, huh?

You can add your comments below (just sign in to Google; they’ll respect your privacy). Share your stories of disappointment, disillusionment, pain, and victory as well. Share where you are now, spiritually. Are you now a spiritual outsider, following God but distant from church? Or are you active in a church now (and if so, how is it different, or how did you learn to endure)? Or, have you totally given up on God (if so, I won’t be your critic, I promise! I want to hear your story and be a friend.)

Your thoughts? (Let’s keep names out, or use fictitious names, and leave our most colorful language at home, if you get my drift).

Share your comments here!

Check out my website

My website will be revised in the near future (to be more interactive and more helpful), so be sure to check back again:

www.waynehobbes.com

E-mail Wayne Hobbes

Send your email to:

info@waynehobbes.com

(You will receive a personal reply, and no one else will ever get your email address from me).